Friday, April 23, 2010

Wisdom...

Today I am feeling like I need some 'mama wisdom'. It is always the cry of my heart to do what is absolutely best for my hubby and kiddos. I love serving them by making a home that has meals prepared, bills paid, sheets changed, clothes washed, pictures scrapbooked, gifts bought, books read...etc (the real stuff that has to get done by someone) . A home that is peaceful and a blessing. On the flip side of all that is my personal longing to teach again--not just my own kiddos but in a professional setting. I long to get up in the morning and have a reason to wear real people clothes (not just yoga pants), and accomplish a task that is measurable. Motherhood is the most important job on the planet (and the highest of callings, in my opinion) but in the day to day grind of motherhood is scraping dried macaroni off of the heater vent, wiping pee-pee from the bathroom floor , washing the same shirt 3 times to get a stain out (with Zout and Oxi-clean), and cleaning moldy bath toys. Somehow those things don't feel like such a high calling in the moment. Are you tracking me?

I am feeling especially torn and confused as to what to do with all these feelings (besides the obvious answer of giving them to the Lord). I want to feel truly content with wherever the Lord has me...home, working part-time...I just don't know. What to do, what to do...

"If any of you lacks wisdom let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach...."

5 comments:

Vanessa said...

Tara! Oh lady! I found this ironic to read tonight because I was sitting in my family room folding clothes and saw my neighbor gal, who is a teacher, outside with her girls this evening. I was thinking about how she has this whole other life separate from them and I wondered what that would be like. And then I thought, I can't imagine having someone else spending more time with my kiddos then I do. You know? Someone else singing silly songs, putting those band-aids on, answering those tough questions, and just generally being the largest influence on their little lives. How do I know that the person they were with while I was gone would do all the things I would do? And, so, the by-product of that is that we get all the yucky stuff that comes along too! The wiping (noses and bottoms), the crumbs, the tantrums, the laundry, etc. And you know what, now that Ian is almost 7, I feel like my time with him is slipping. He is going to be gone most of the day at school next year and I would not trade this time that I have had with him for anything! Think of how much more I would have missed! And, this age with him has far more teaching involved than I ever thought. This stage is lots more involved in that regard than toddler-hood. Anyway, all that to say, I totally get the restlessness and wondering why I got a Business degree just so I could master the perfect PB&J but I know that before long, there will be new opportunities for me and new roles to play but I won't ever get this one back. Cliche huh? But so, so true!
I'll be praying for you!
Love, Vanessa

Robyn said...

It's a struggle I've dealt with off and on for years now. At this point I'm actually leaning toward finally having a desire to stay home. Sometimes mommyhood is tough! If it's worth anything, you're not alone.

The Watson's said...

Wow. Vanessa could not have said it any better. AMEN to everything she said! Beautiful! And to be honest, that's exactly the way I see it. These times go by so quickly, and "it won't be like this for long." I understand so much the same frustrations as you, since my 3 kids are practically the same ages as your 3, so I am RIGHT THERE with ya! But as much as I get tired of cleaning up the smeared PB&J off the wall, table, and floors...and Oxicleaning the shirt...I wouldn't trade it for a million bucks! No way, no how. Tired yes. Blessed, yes. I am the one, like Vanessa said, that is the primary influenece in their life, and I can't imagine it any other way and feel so fortunate that I am able to stay at home. Now, that being said...you have to do what is best for you and your family...and I know you will! Love you sweet friend. You are a wonderful momma and wife, and friend. ;) Hugs from Texas! :)

Denee said...

I love you and your honesty! (ps: note, i am reading your blog!!!) XOXO I would say consider yourself blessed that you have the option to be at home full time, although it may be hard. Then again, what is best for your adorable 3? I am not a mama yet, counting the days...hoping its tomorrow...but, all in all do you really need the respite to give them your best love? At this point I am so excited to be able to work 3 days and stay home the other 4. I love the kids I get to see at work and feel called to be working and helping families in difficult situations. If you find yourself starting to resent your kiddos (I imagine it could happen), then volunteer just a day a week or something. I know you're an amazing mother and your kids are so lucky to have you! I don't believe there is only one right answer for every family, so you have to be at peace with what you decide. Take a deep breath... i love you!

Liz Schaecher said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean, and wrestled with it for more than a few months before the light when on. God will lead you in the right direction!! :)

(Secretly hoping for weekend rain so we can see you guys!)